I am reading The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. I am about 1/2 way through. One thing that struck me was the idea of admitting mistakes. I may reframe that, to admitting and owning what I have done. I am not advocating for blaming either self or others for their actions. Owning has a different feel than blame. If you can take responsibility for your actions, letting go of judgement, room is created for change.
And with therapy and coaching, that is the usually the goal. Changing something that isn’t working. We can get caught up in blame. I just uncovered an enlightened bully. She has been mean. She judged. She was rude. She beat me up. She repressed. Yet that cycle only has so many pathways, the conversation is the same circular, roundabout, never ending spiral. Can I admit that she has been around, loving her as she has been, knowing that she was there, realizing how this has affected relationships. And moving forward, noticing, being aware, shifting, sharing. By admitting to my friend, Deb Katz, that I had not shared my feelings with her, we were able to connect on a deeper level.
By admitting mistakes you admit that you are human. You bring closeness to the one you are sharing, you are being vulnerable by opening. This seems to be a big one in intimate relationships. I think because it turns into blame. How to talk about something that happened as fact. The same way I would say and accept, “Today is .” Own it and whatever feelings that come up and to look at possibilities.
Exploration for this week: in what areas are you blaming yourself. Can you take responsibility and own what you have done. Share it with the other person.
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