Life Coaching Can Help You Explore How Others Perceive You
This has come up a lot in the last week or two. We live in community, in relationship vs being our own island. We can have a view of ourself and rely on our own sense of self AND people also affect us, they have views of us which may or may not match up to how we view ourselves.
How can we have a sense of self and also be open to other’s views of us? If I think I show up in a certain way and I hear otherwise from someone else, I can then explore that for myself. I can ask if it rings true, wonder where they are coming from, what do they see that demonstrates that idea. And then land on if it rings true for me and adjust myself as necessary. Or it may not ring true and then I can continue showing up as I show up. When you have multiple people giving that feedback, it may be time to explore deeper with life coaching.
I think it is good to remember that we are not stagnant beings. We are full of movement and change. We have the ability to shift perspectives and take someone else’s point of view. We are amazing creatures.
If you want to continue to explore this, check in with someone you trust and ask if they perceive you the same way that you see yourself. Then determine if it matches up with how you see yourself.
If you would like help with deeper exploration of perspectives in your life, contact your Portland area life coach at 503-961-3141.
I have not written in a while, I have been in a bit of a whirlwind and doing the most necessary things.
I had a minor surgery a couple of weeks ago. And I find it so interesting how I have a certain idea of how things “should” go in terms of healing. I hear one thing from a doctor and expect it to be that: have energy in a few days, back to regular activities. Well, it didn’t happen that way. This has been a lesson in being present with what is and also not judging my experience to be wrong, it is what it is. I have been resting and healing slowly, really listening to my body. For example, my head wanted to do many things today and I had planned to move forward with my planned day. I started and noticed I was exhausted and I hadn’t even started. I checked in and noticed how much energy I was putting toward going back and forth deciding if I would do something and when I checked in, I was up for resting. So I cancelled it and rested.
My new mantra is: Healing is not linear. And this is true to so many things in life. Any process isn’t linear. I think most of us want there to be a set path that we take and follow the steps toward the goal and then we get there. I keep learning, from myself, my clients, friends and family, that is not so.
My homework for myself and if you wish to participate is to remind myself/yourself that life isn’t linear; healing, goals, growth aren’t linear. And it isn’t right or wrong, it just is. How can we accept, listen to our bodies of what wants to happen and allow. Enjoy your journey.
Don’t be Anxious About Pruning in Therapy
What in your life needs to be pruned? Pruning is the idea of cutting away something old or something that you don’t want in order to create growth in a new area. I don’t like pruning plants – cutting away, not sure if I am doing it right, not sure if I took too much or too little. And what I have noticed is that the plants tend to grow even more so.
I equate this to the birth and death cycle. In order to direct the growth, I need to cut back. I think of containing the energy. If the rose bush is huge and all over, the life energy goes to it all, even the parts that are sickly because it wants to live. If I cut those sickly parts, then the energy can go toward the healthy parts and create more health. In order for something new to emerge, something needs to die. In order to step forward confidently in something, I need to let go of what is holding me back from that.
What do you want to prune? What holds you back from pruning?
Talk to me about pruning in your life for any anxiety, couples, family, or individual therapy sessions in the Portland area.
Image curtesy of Amenic181 at freedigitalphotos.net
I was attending a friend’s conference on The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership: A new paradigm for sustainable success through Conscious Leadership Group. My friend, Deb Katz, mentioned the idea of emotional fitness instead of emotional intelligence.
Your Emotional Fitness Through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
To step back for a moment, what is emotional intelligence. IQ stands for intelligence quotient, measuring human intelligence. Emotional Intelligence, or EQ, is your ability to monitor your own emotions as well as others, the ability to discriminate between different emotions that you feel, and to use that information to determine thinking and behaviors.
I loved that she used the term emotional fitness. I think is resonates much better. It is not something that you have or don’t. It is something that can be continually explored to deepen the understanding of self. I also love that she used the word fitness because it shows that one can become stronger with practice.
Take a look at this guy. He is beefed up, very strong and can lift a lot of weights. He did not start out this way. I am guessing it has taken quite a bit of daily practice, discipline, and patience to get where he is in this photo.
How about giving yourself some compassion, some love for where you are right now even if it is not where you want to be with you emotional fitness. What goals do you have for you emotional fitness? What are a few steps that you can do, what practice can you start that will help move you toward those goals?
For me, I meditate every day and I practice deep breathing and listening to my body. I check in while I am eating to determine first if I am hungry, when I am full, asking if I want more or not. I also surround myself with people who honor emotional fitness so that I can be held accountable and see modeling as well as model for others.
Work on your emotional fitness with Portland, Oregon’s cognitive behavioral therapist Caroline Resari. Call me today at 503-961-3141 or contact me for more information.
Thank you photopin.com for image
I have started and not yet finished a book called The ONE Thing. The idea is to ask yourself what is the one thing I can do right now that by doing it everything else will be unnecessary or easier (I don’t have the book in front of me right now, so the wording is off).
So for example, I have started to meditate for 5 minutes each morning. By doing so, I center myself, I slow down, I come into the present vs thinking of the next five things I want to do. My morning is easier, I am happier, I am calmer, I shift from irritation or grouchiness much easier.
This is a question you can throughout the day. It cen be related to business, to personal life, to finances. Try it out and see what happens.
Carl Jung is quoted as saying, “What you resist persists.” I love the image that came up when I typed in Resistance. It is so accurate. She is going into resistance in order to get a workout. And she is both the one initiating the resisting as she pulls up and then also resisting the band when she brings her arm down.
Try something with me, put your palms together in front of you. Now with one hand push against the other. What does your other hand do? Does it resist and push back? Does it flop and let the other hand push it over? Does it push back to keep it where it is or try to push the other hand away? Were there places where you felt the resistance and other places on your palm where you didn’t (for example fingers pushing or heel of hand, yet not the center of palm or knuckles)? Typically when people do this, their other hand pushes back.
What would happen if you didn’t resist anymore? What is you resisted more? What if you just simply acknowledged that you were in fact resisting. I think that is a powerful place to be, knowing where you are and what you are doing because then you can make a conscious choice. Play with noticing what in your life you are resisting or wanting to change which is resisting the way things are right now.
Image curtesy of StockImages from FreeDigitalPhotos.net
I think we would all agree that there are two sides to a coin. We would probably also agree that there are at least two sides to a story. Yet somehow we think our stories that we make up about ourselves are completely and 100% true. And we totally buy into them, someone can even tell us a different perspective and we don’t believe them.
Take for example an art project that you did in school. You take it home. You don’t like it. A friend, a parent, someone tells you they like it and often we then think, well you have to say that, you are just being nice.
Another example that may be more of a core issue: A story that I don’t do anything well, that I always mess up, that I can’t do anything right. Somewhere along the road I picked up that story. I didn’t come out as a baby with that story. I heard it somewhere and at some point believed it as true. And it is such a limiting belief that it keeps me from greatness because if that is true than how could I do something well, not mess up, do something perfectly?
I encourage you to challenge those beliefs about yourself. Notice a thought about yourself that you think is absolutely true. First, just notice it. Secondly, ask yourself could the opposite be absolutely true as well. Is it a possibility? I am not asking you to believe it, just think of it as a possibility because then you can start to shift if there is more than one possibility.
Photo compliments of Simon Howden from FreeDigitalPhotos.net
I was thinking after I wrote that last post about the idea of help. I think asking for help can bring up a feeling of helplessness, of victimhood; the mentality that I need help, that I can’t do it on my own. According to google dictionary, help means to “make it easier for (someone) to do something by offering one’s services or resources.”
I would like to bring in the idea of being of service or assisting. Sometimes I have people come into my office for a fix it, that somehow they are less than, they are not whole, that I can fix or make them better. When I am in therapy or coaching mode, I see my client(s) as whole, as someone who has resources, as someone who is courageous for reaching out. I provide assistance and resources and a vast array of skills that I can teach. AND my client can meet me as a whole person.
Essentially, I want to be clear that asking for help doesn’t denote lesser than. That one can ask for help, for assistance, for resources, for guidance from a place of completeness.
Homework if you choose: notice how you do or don’t ask for help. What holds you back or pushes you forward?
Image curtesy of Stuart Miles at http://www.freedigitalphotos.net.
Why is it often times hard to ask for help? Is it that it shows vulnerability, that we are weak if we can’t do it on our own? Is it that we don’t want to infringe on others? Or take someone’s time? Perhaps shyness and going up to someone feels scary?
I think reaching out/ asking for help takes courage. There is the possibility of someone saying no which we sometimes give meaning that it is rejection of us.
I think the first step is knowing what we want. Is it connection? Is it seeking knowledge on how to do something?
I also think it is important to not put yourself at a disadvantage, by comparing that the other person has something you want, by comparing that they are somehow better or that I am lesser because I am reaching out.
Practice Exercise: First notice what you want, you don’t have to do anything, just simply notice. Next, notice any meaning or story that you create around this want (I shouldn’t want it, I should know this, they won’t help even if I ask). Then play with asking, put yourself out there. Maybe in a small way, then challenge yourself more. Remember it only takes a few seconds of courage to do something
Image curtesy of Stuart Miles at http://www.freedigitalphotos.net.
The other day I went swimming in a suit that I have had for years. It is sturdy material, not the typical nylon, slick swimsuits that I have had in the past that become see through after a while.
At the end of my swim, I climb out of the pool. There are quite a few people around waiting for the water aerobics to start. The man in the other lane mentions something to the extent of, “You had such a hard swim today that you ripped your suit.” I looked down, confused. Then realized that my rear seam had split open. “Oh my. I will not be going to the hot tub then,” I thought.
How often can we get caught up in meaning or holding onto something that has happened in the past. I could have gotten embarrassed, I am sure I was red in the face. In the past, I would have not been able to make eye contact, would think about it for ages, wonder who had seen, who had laughed. This time, I was able to acknowledge that he had shared and that I was not walking around more with my a ripped bottom of my suit. I was able to let it go. Well mostly let it go, I did get a laugh out it with several friends.
I also think of the man. How often do I not say somethign to someone. Someone who may have food in their teeth, their collar half up, their hair messed in the back. It takes courage to tell someone what you notice. More often than not, I experience people being grateful that I shared. I will say I was certainly grateful the man told me.
Homework if you choose: when you notice something, say something to the other person. Remember you may not get the response you want, they may respond out of fear or embarrassment. You can take a big breath knowing that you shared and they can do what they want with the information.
Image courtesy of arztsamui at FreeDigitalPhotos.net