Make deposits into the wealth of your relationship and see dividends in love.
If you want your partnership to thrive this year, you both need to be intentional about investing in it. Like a bank account, you need to actively and consistently make deposits to help your relational wealth grow. It won’t happen on its own.
Here are a few ways to invest in your relationship and get intentional about your happily ever after.
GO TO COUPLES COUNSELING
Therapy isn’t just for people in crisis. Preventative care can go a long way in addressing smaller needs and overcoming everyday obstacles. For example, a counselor can help you manage stress, reignite the spark in your bedroom, or raise children going through difficult stages. Also, a counselor can assess your relationship for areas that may seem insignificant now but could become major issues later on. You can head off conflict before it happens with preemptive inventions learned in the therapy room. Find a couples therapist trained in the Gottman Method or scroll through Psychology Today. You both can see pictures, read profiles, and see if they’re a good fit. Also, you can connect with a therapist about their in-person or telehealth options, rates, and whether or not they take insurance (knowing how to financially budget for routine therapy will help you stick with it longer). With professional help, you can turn any weak spots in your partnership into your strengths as a couple.
It’s time to dispel some myths. Relationships don’t always fall apart because of personality differences. Conversely, don’t believe that having similar hobbies is enough to keep you together. There are a lot of pop psychology, quick-fix methods out there. Thankfully, research from Dr. John Gottman gives insight into what really strengthens a relationship. Here at The Gottman Institute, we take it one step further by providing you with the skills and tools that are backed by science.
For some of us, it can feel like we should spend every moment of our days being productive. A wasted moment is a missed opportunity to make more money, impress your boss, start a new project, or simply get more work done. To succeed in “adulting,” we might push free time to the back burner in favor of working longer hours instead. Without a doubt, many of us feel a lot of pressure to work hard and focus on productivity above all else.
What does comparing get me? What does it get you? Perhaps feeling better or worse about myself or my situation. This leaves me in a one up or one down from others. It doesn’t leave room for seeing everyone as whole or even myself as whole. It distances me from others, it puts a wedge in the relationship, even if I haven’t talked to the person.
I am married and am used to my spouse and their energy and movement. A friend has been staying with us for several months now and I noticed today, Sun, that when both my friend and spouse left, that I hadn’t been home alone for at least two weeks. Maybe it is having a different energy in the home. Maybe it is just having silence, knowing that I am here alone. And I also realized that it is something that I want to enjoy more regularly. And I don’t necessarily need the whole day, I just want to have my space, my time, with no one around.
Dogs jump right in. Typically speaking, dogs don’t shy away from mud. They love to play. They aren’t worried that they will get messy and that you won’t love them anymore. They play and get messy solely for having fun.