I just read an article in Ode magazine (I could not find the link on-line) about how heart break can be a catalyst for change. In the last post, I talked about vulnerability. In this article, Susan Piver shares that in heart break, the heart opens. Everything is felt on a different level. The word raw comes to mind, feeling as if everything is on the surface. Heart break, as hard and painful as it is, can create a crack, and openness to feel it all, to feel vulnerable. She talks about feeling the feeling, not fixing it, not getting through to the next thing, and letting go of the story of why. Story is a great way to keep feelings going and going and going…
In the past I would close up shop. I would move on to the next thing. Never look back. Close the door and be done. I realize that that is an option, yet by doing it that way, I shut down. I ignored what was happening for me. I pushed my feelings down and closed the door, throwing out the key. Yet, feelings have a way of coming up. It may be in a different way. Think of people getting into fights, smoking when they are stressed, going out for a beer after a hard day. What feelings are wanting to be expressed? I recently met my Destructive Rebel Persona, who wants to drive fast and do a lot of risky behaviors. That persona is great at covering up anger. Yet if I chose to partake in that, I do not get to access my anger because the anger keeps going because I am not feeling it; I do not get to move through my anger. I just thought of the children’s book, We’re Going On A Bear Hunt. If I remember correctly, the idea being that there are all these obstacles to finding the bear. They can’t go over them, or under them, or around them, the option is to go through them. With feelings you have a choice. You can ignore, move on, distract or you can feel and go through them.
Next time you have heart break or feel raw, open to the feeling, it is energy. She talks about feelings and thoughts as things that come and go, they are not set in stone to be felt forever and ever. Make room to have feelings, cut down on your schedule so that you have time. Allow yourself not to be distracted and moving on to something else. Meditation is also a great way to slow the brain and focus on what is going on in this moment.
The book is The Wisdom of a Broken Heart.